darkness crazing mind

theres nowhere left to hide

theres nothing to be done

no people to be saved

all the pleasures just be gone

40 miles from the sun

im recommending this track for everybody who has some kinda suicidal willingness (so am i). never forget that night walk when i just stared at the streetlamps and wondered... why not just end now? whats gonna happen? nothing... and nothing has ever changed truly since then. im still that miserable woman watching the lights and hiding behind fences and walls. not wanna see anybody but paradoxically wanting enormous love and care. big fucking question mark, like i used to say it. "i hate the way i feel, i feel the way i hate" - and im so fed up with myself, right now.

it really hurts to be me.

im just chasing and chasing that non-existing naive happiness forever but this eternal self-hatred and self-not-understanding will remain here for a lifetime. my-life-time. and no walks in the minus temperature and no escapes will ever help it or solve it. it cannot be?

feel like cutting my throat, gathering these silent but extremely loud voices and throw them away.

nervous breakdown, thats what im speaking about. with the permanent body- and handshaking, bloody noses every morning, unexplainable deeds and behavior, and so on. tell me that im normal and im not gonna believe you.