fed.up

with those voices from downstairs coming to me... nearer and nearer.
with those sounds in my head from my heart. pictures, deeds, feelings ... it's always hard to pass them especially in the case when they don't feel the need to fade away. i feel this need but they don't care about me. they just come to my mind over and over again.
on the street walking to the bus stop at the starless night.
at the school he never entered.
on the bus when i saw those bored faces. when i felt that somebody was watching me ... from not more than half a meter... well, i needed his protect.
i needed HE. i need him still.
but it doesn't matter now. it's part of the past and we shouldn't change it. because...
sometimes i lose the reasons. the answer for the why.
does it make any sense? should it make any? who tells me? who KNOWS?
every day is the same coz i have to spend them without him.
same feelings. hatred, sadness, boredom, helplessness, inability, solitude, desolation.
nothing else.